Christmas Day

Thanksgiving came fast, Christmas came even faster! Christmas is my favorite holiday. I love giving, I love seeing people, I love all the food, and baking Christmas cookies, and I love getting gifts :) . I had been planning for Christmas since October, and am kind of relieved that it is over and done with. The boys loved everything, me and my sister were up until two straightening things out. Playing santa was fun, but afterwards we were just not tired enough to go to sleep. I exchanged presents with Brian on Christmas eve, he made me dinner also. He got me a camera greater than I would have bought myself, I absolutely love it. I should probably be getting dressed right now, but I'm sulking in this great moment. My favorite part of Christmas is the very morning of it, when the kids first wake up, and they run downstairs, I love them having so much to look at that they just don't know where to start. Of course, it's kind of a tradition in my family to start with the stocking, because thats the only thing we were allowed to open before our parents got out of bed. All the stressfullness and chaios and everything that the holiday seasons causes, well, all that is made up for when they wake up and come down stairs and see that "santa" has came. My sister was very stressed out this year also, surprizingly it wasn't over the kids but myself. She thought she was planning ahead and had everything figured out but all the gifts she had tried to get me kept having problems (out of stock, the web site wasn't working, etc.). Although, even with all of her bad luck, she did amazing. I loved my gifts and am glad she bad luck because if not, I wouldn't have gotten what she did get me, which was by fast, better than other previous christmass'. Well, off to celebrate this glorious day with the people I am so very close to. I wish you, and your best, the most amazing Christmas you've ever had in your life. Keep it close to you, hold it to your heart, cheerish it, and your loved ones, because you never know how long these precious moments will stay precious. So make them last forever.

Come to the conclusion of confussion

I think I may have come to a conclusion, although it's not one I was looking for, It's a conclusion of confusion. I had previously thought that I was not sure what I wanted to do with my life because of lack of choices. Unfortunately, I think the problems is an abundance of options. I know I'm not going to stay at this college forever, in fact next year will be my last year here, but after that....?

I don't like how everything says "it'll come to you.." or "you'll make the right choice". There isn't a right choice to make in decisions like these, there is just one choice: The choice you make. There is no telling if it's the right one or not because it's already made and you cannot go back and see what would have happened if you would have went the other way. Unfortunately for me, my two three options are all more than 1,000 miles apart from each other, so the decision is crucial and final.

For the past four years I've just gone with the flow, I've just gone with whatever happened and took one day at a time. I am now seeing that I have to start planning out my future or else it will just happen like the rest of my life did.

My worst fear: being like my family and not accomplishing anything in their life.
My greatest fear: having them know I did not accomplish anything in my life when everybody is counting on me to.

I apologize

I apologize for wasting your time.
I apologize for always thinking I have something to say then when the time comes "i got nothing".
I apologize for thinking I was actually going to go to bed.
I apologize for making you think there was more to me then there is.
I apologize for apologizing in so few words.

Up till the crack of dawn, or almost at least.

So I should probably..maybe..DEFINITELY be sleeping, but thing is..I went to bed at 7pm, because I didn't feel good, and now am wide awake, still not feeling that great but have to get up at 8am for work. 8am is not that early to most people but I am not a morning person.
I'm in a good mood though, I am not close to that many of the people I work with, we're very different from each. We carry friendly conversations and all, but I haven't found anybody at work that is kind of like me you know? Well, until tonight that is. I had a long IM with a girl I work with and we're pretty similar. Don't get me wrong, someone does not have to be like me for me to get a long with, just some people are so different from me it's hard to get close to them when you share different aspects on everything. I'm not big on religion, and there are two very religious people I work with, they talk about it a lot, so cross them out. I'm not immature, and there are four very immature people I work with, so cross them out. I don't speak spanish fluently, so cross out most of the morning people I work with. That does not leave many people to choose from. (I just heard a cry from Jaden in his sleep, very weird). I think my favorite part about this blog thing so far is that I can express myself without feeling as if I'm going to offend someone or hurt their feelings. Back to story, I was glad I found someone that I get along with so easily. She's a sweet girl.



Finals are coming up, and thanks to my lack of studying throughout the year, I am officially screwed. I have to get 100% on my biology final to get a C in the class. Science is by far my worst subject, but it is nobody's fault except for my own for not doing better this semester. Jasmine is sleeping with me tonight, which should make me sleep better. I hate sleeping alone, even if a dog is the only company I have.

Well, cramps are kicking in so I guess I'm going to attempt to sleep.
Goodnight bloggers.

hmmp!

If you really understood, you wouldn't say you understand because saying you understand makes me feel even worse.

Is it worth it?

I hate my job. I honestly can say that I hate my job. The money is not worth it, and the people make me sick. The customers I deal with are a pain in the ass and think they're just too good to do anything for themselves, they're snobby and annoying. I hate always having to be snobby. I hate having to smile all the time, and have an extreme amount of patience with every customer even though the last customer i dealt with used up all my patience. I hate reminding myself that I have to work there because I don't have any other options. I hate reminding myself that my bosses don't appreciate me so don't expect anything more from them. I hate wishing every morning that I didn't have to work and counting down every afternoon the minutes until I can leave. I hate being bossed around and treated like less than a person. I hate feeling gross, and hating every part of my job. I often question myself and wonder if it really is worth it or not. But it continues to be my only source of income, and without that what do I have?

You decide

I know that by stating my feelings on this topic I am subject to some criticism by others and that most people will disagree about my thoughts on the following area, but I will continue to express my thoughts and hope that you, as a reader, can respect them.

Love.
Love is an interesting word. Everybody's definition always tends to be different and usually consist of fairy tale endings. I, unfortunately, do not think the same way most of the world does on the subject of love. I'm not a cruel person, nor do I hate people. I just do not believe that you "fall in love" with the person you were meant to fall in love with, or that you even fall in love. I believe that you choose who you love, it's your decision. If you don't want to love someone don't use the excuse that you cannot help it. Bull crap, you can too help it. It's just a matter of believing you can. If you don't want to be in a relationship with someone and are only in it because you "love" them, I think you're full of crap.

You should be with someone because of respect (the respect they give you, and the respect you have for them), you should be with someone because of the same ideals you have for your life together. Among other things, you should be with someone whom has the qualities you yourself want to obtain, so that the two of you compliment each other.

Too many people go out looking for "love", I just don't understand why they can't just be happy with a relationship and then eventually love will happen for them, if not with the person their with, then with the next person. T.V./ movies/etc have made love seem like something someone has to go run out and acquire for themselves.

Well, for now, that's all I have to say on this subject.